ഒരു പുനർവിചിന്തനം (കവിത)

‘മഴപെയ്ത വേളയിൽ’ എന്ന തലക്കെട്ടോടെ എന്റെ പ്രണയതിനുവേണ്ടിയുള്ള മധുരിതമായ കാത്തിരിപ്പിനെയും ആ കാത്തിരിപ്പിനെ പ്രണയിക്കുന്നതിനെയും കുറിച്ചു ഒരു കവിത പണ്ട് എഴുതിയിരുന്നു. അത് ഈ ബ്ലോഗിലേക്കും പകർത്തിയിരുന്നു. തിരഞ്ഞാൽ കണ്ടുപിടിക്കാം.

കുറച്ചു നാളുകൾക്കു മുൻപ്, <facebook>-ൽ, <I think I’m in love with someone> എന്നൊരു <status> ഞാൻ ഇട്ടിരുന്നു. ഒരു കളിയുടെ ഭാഗമായ് വെറുതേ ഇട്ടതാണ്‌. ദിവസങ്ങൾക്കു ശേഷം, ഒരു സുഹൃത്ത്, <facebook>-ൽത്തന്നെ <chat> ചെയ്യുമ്പോൾ ഇതിനേക്കുറിച്ചു സൂചിപ്പിക്കുകയുണ്ടായി. ആന്നു പൊട്ടിവിരിഞ്ഞതാണ്‌ താഴെ കൊടുത്തിരിക്കുന്ന കവിത. ഈ കവിത, എന്റെ പ്രണയപ്രതീക്ഷകളേക്കുറിച്ചുള്ള പുനർവിചിന്തനത്തിൽ, മേല്പറഞ്ഞ കവിതയ്ക്കു മറുപടിയായ് പിറന്നതാണ്‌. ആത് ഇവിടെ ചേർക്കാൻ ഒരു കൗതുകം. അതിനാൽ ചേർക്കുന്നു.

ഒപ്പം ആ സുഹൃത്തിനു നന്ദി പറയാനും ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്നു. ഒട്ടേറെ നാളുകളായ് അടഞ്ഞു കിടന്നിരുന്ന കവിതാമുഖം അവസാനം തുറക്കാൻ നിമിത്തമായതിന്‌….

കാത്തിരു,ന്നായിരം പൂ വിരിയും,
ആയിരം താരകങ്ങൽ പൊഴിയുമാ സന്ധ്യയിൽ
കാത്തിരുന്നു കാത്തിരിപ്പലിവാനായ്
നൂതനമൊരർത്ഥമറിവാനായ്
ഒടുവിലവൾ –
എൻ തോഴി
സ്വച്ഛമാം മഴ-
അവളും പോയ്…. ഇനി ആരോ ഞാനോ?….

സ്പോർട്സ് ഡേ

സ്പോർട്സ് ഡേയ്ക്ക് ഒന്നു ഓടാൻ കഴിഞ്ഞപ്പോൾ എന്താ സന്തോഷം. ഉള്ളിൽ ഉറഞ്ഞു കിടന്ന എന്തൊക്കെയോ ചീത്തത്തങ്ങൾ അലിഞ്ഞില്ലാണ്ടായപോലെ. ബുദ്ധി ഉണർന്നു. മനുഷ്യനു പ്രകൃതി എന്തു തരം കേളീവിഹാരങ്ങൽ കല്പിച്ചു നല്കിയിരിക്കുന്നുവോ അതിനു വിരുദ്ധമായ് പ്രവർത്തിക്കുമ്പോഴാണല്ലൊ ക്ഷീണം, ബോധമില്ലായ്മ, ഭ്രാന്തു ആദിയായവ ഉണ്ടാവുക. എന്തായാലും നന്നായി.

just an afternoon thought

how can i call myself a little tiger if i don’t be as free as one. today i was moving through town and watching all the people with the blank faces moving around, all the men who are minding their buisness not lookn @ you so that come evening they can gawk @ and dart sexually inclined glances @ gals like me, all the men and women folk who show a sense of insecurity that’s written all over their faces, who are scared to smile or bring any kind of emotions to their face or even to talk to the person standing right next to them, just as that person standing next to them is. these rules were always made by us, etiquette and everything and all of us are following these for the sake of satisfying everyone else’s sense of good behaviour. but if these are proving to be a burden, then why can’t we all, together, just forget about them. ultimately they are all constructs of the mind, every rule and bound set before each member of the society. If you think about it, or perhaps if you don’t, these are inpalpable and therefore, can’t incapacitate you if you don’t let them affect you. and if you think about it, everyone is thinking about what everyone else is thinking about them. its as if the thoughts can materialise infront of them and whip them. of course, thought is a dangerous thing. but no need to give it much thought.

A trip….to…remember, definitely!

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There are two different kinds of trips. one where people plan to go first and then choose the location, and two, where people plan to visit some location and think about how to get there, later.

I like to go on the second kind of trip; because there’s a heavily motivating element from the beginning, which excites one days before the trips begun.

So, the lot of ours’ trip to Ponmudi belonged to the second category. and, maybe thats why we missed our bus the first time, and the next one’s in….. about an hour and a half???

oops! forgot to tell. Ponmudi is a hill station located in the southern part of Kerala, in the district of Thiruvananthapuram. Its relatively very accessible, because theres a road winding from the city,all the way to the top😛.

We were at valiyamala @ that very moment.  strictly speaking, pathinaaramkallu. So, we took a bus to the nearest major stop Vithura in hopes of getting a bus to Ponmudi from there. Hey, it’s better than standing around. But to our dismay we learned later that all buses to ponmudi came through pathinaaraamkallu, our previous stop. That’s when we heard from one of the people there about Kallaar, a mere 10 km from Vithura and we had a bus to that place in 10 minutes! Off to Kallaar then!!

Kallaar kept true to its name – a river of rocks. There were huge boulders everywhere, with water filling the gaps in between.  Rains were off for a few weeks now.  So the water level was low enough to allow the rocks to jut out of the water, so that we may explore every part of the river by hopping from rock to rock, and high enough for us to have some fun!  of course, the rocks underneath the water were extremely slippery due to algae growth and one had to be very carefull where one was stepping. Up the river, there were large continuum of solid rock that reminded one of solidified lava, lava that was flowing down the hill, maybe a tribute to the volcanic past of the subcontinent.

The river led up to the Meenmutty waterfalls.  But we couldn’t quite get there. we had a bus to catch, to Ponmudi!  But we went half way and had lots of fun!

So aboard the Ponmudi bus! The bus was packed and this was a 1 hour journey. But we were doing it the old fashioned way.  Nothing fancy, nothing funny.  sheer ecstasy and determination. Someway up, I was thinking about kallaar. How a spot right off the itinerary would have been subjected to huge amounts of amounts of contemplation before approval if this were a family trip or organised tour.   And i was thinking about the people who were with me, the people i was talking to right now. and they made my day!

Our bus stopped halfway up the hill. And we had to walk the rest of the climb. There was a lookout point, kind of an elevated cement platform, constructed obviously for visitors to enjoy the high view from the hillside. And boy it was beautiful. It made me wish I had a DSLR with me (and that cost’s abopt 50,000. what???), knowing very well that my modest little mobile camera couldn’t do justice to it. It’s the same for everything else, I believe, not just scenic spots. Our eyes are the best lenses and the brain is the best album. There’s so much dynamism in everything real that simply can’t be reproduced any other way. But that didn’t stop me from trying, and checking later, all of them turned out fine.

@ the check point, the entrance to the tourist destination, we were asked our identifications, and my heart skipped a beat. No one was expecting this and we had nothing of the sort with us. But, with some amount of negotiations, we got through. Past the “tresspassers  will be prosecuted” sign put up on the fenced property that the IIST had aquired we climbed on. The Sun was oppressive except for when the occassional happy cloud decided to come in between us and the Sun. But the view simply got better. Nevertheless, after a while we had become  so used to it , that we didn’t care. I decided to stop shooting while I was still in awe. The greed, to have all of it, was killing the fun.

The walk was long, and at some point all of us might have considered abandoning it and going back down. But i guess what kept us going were each other. we were walking and talking, trying to get on others nerves and having a lot of fun. things we would not be doing in the average classroom, humanly aspects of ourselves, stuff that I was beginning to forget after three years of  24×7 morbidness and prison-like life. We had even begun a fantasy role play, imagining ourselves as a tribe, with our own ‘mooppatthy’ (tribal cheiftess). and somehow, i don’t know about the others but, there came a point when i hoped the walk would not come to an end, hoped that i would not reach the destination, because everything ended there. ….

All along I was wondering why it came to be known as Ponmudi. I saw different hues, of green, yellow, grey, the blue of the sky and the hills, even the pale yellow of the dry grass that covered most of the hill. But no gold. Little did I know that I was to find out only days after, when I probe my grey matter of the memories formed then, and the tingle that it and the bonds forged left under my sternum.

At the end, when we reached the top, it was magical. Not the golden sheen of the hills, put forth by the sunshine dancing on the yellow grass over the hills, (only days after, when i was thinking again about the trip, thinking back to the time when we sat on the rocks at the top, thinking of writing about it, did i remember that the hills looked all gold all around us in the evening Sun! Did that become so unimportant to me at that time that it slipped my attention??) nor the cold that was setting in against the receding Sun. It was that all of us were there (we were missing a few people, who had to stay back. we missed them.), but more importantly, the road that brought us there. Maybe it was because our journey took up the greater part of the day. Or may because it was always the journey that matters more than the destination, whatever we had acquired being treasures that we stumbled upon the road.

And as we as comrades stood on the edge of that hillock beside that big boulder, with Sansel proudly perched on top, for that prizewinning final click, the glow about everyones faces, of battles fought and ultimate conquests made, shone forth brighter than the golden backdrop the hillocks offered.🙂

A Soul's Walk

20 children no longer scream
in a place that their parents thought safe
And 20 children died by a knife
two years ago in a faraway place.

Was it 178 kids that were killed
by the drones near Pakistan?
And ones and two’s all over the world
With guns and knives and hands?

How many children died in a car,
Someone drunk at the wheel?
How many children died from the cold?
Their little toes could not feel.

Governments and floods and citizens too
Mentally disabled and sociopaths
Children have died since children were born
And we think policy change will help.

How many children were killed by two bombs?
During World War II?
How many children were killed in the flood?
That God sent upon the earth.

People get angry and shocked and scared
And grief tells two lies so hard to resist,
“I am the only one right…

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it takes the life out of the moment when you are thinking about the million different ways in which you can share it on fb. gr8 job:)

Blazing through oblivion

Dear Facebook,

It’s not you, it’s me. I need to figure things out. Like how you are sucking all my time and how you’re making me into someone I am not. Like how you make me hate myself as I skim through posts and pictures of my so-called “friends”. God, their lives are so perfect! Why is my life not as perfect as theirs? Am I the only one who have to deal with occasional bouts of jealousy and self-doubt every time I read about a “friend” who bought his own private jet, and another “close friend” who spent his holidays on the moon? I feel so pathetic.

Oh please, don’t stare at me with those wide pitiful eyes. That won’t work anymore. I know, things were going so great between us, and it’s such a shocker that I’m telling you this. But this has been on the back of…

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a thought that every1 has…..

Oru Puthiya Thudakkam

ആഗ്രഹങ്ങളുണ്ടായാലെ aim ഉണ്ടാവു,അതിനു വേണ്ടി പ്രവര്‍ത്തിക്കാനാവൂ, അത് നേടാനാവൂ..
എന്ന് പൊതുവേ പറയും… അത് സത്യവുമാണ്…
ആഗ്രഹങ്ങളില്ലാത്ത മനുഷ്യരില്ല..
സ്വപ്നങ്ങളില്ലാത്ത മനുഷ്യരില്ല..
പക്ഷെ.. ഒന്ന് ചോദിക്കട്ടെ..
ഒരുപാട് ആഗ്രഹിച്ച ഒരു കാര്യം നടക്കാതെ വന്നാല്‍???
മനുഷ്യന് സഹിക്കാന്‍ കഴിയാത്ത ഒന്ന് അവനവന്റെ മനസ്സ് വിഷമിക്കുക എന്നതാണ്..
ആരും അങ്ങനൊരു വിഷമം വരാനായ്‌ പരിശ്രമിക്കില്ല …
ഒന്നും ആഗ്രഹാക്കാതെ,പ്രതീക്ഷിക്കാതെ, പരിശ്രമിക്കുക..
അത് വിജയത്തിലെത്തിയാലോ ??? എന്തുമാത്രം സന്തോഷമാനുണ്ടാവുക…
പക്ഷെ.. മനുഷ്യനത് സാധിക്കുമോ???
അഥവാ, ആഗ്രഹിച്ച ഒന്ന് കിട്ടിയില്ലെങ്കിലോ? ഒന്നും ആഗ്രഹിക്കാതെ കിട്ടിയില്ലെങ്കിലും കുഴപ്പമില്ല..
കിട്ടിയാല്‍ ഏറെ സന്തോഷം..
അപ്പൊ എന്താണ് വേണ്ടത്??? 
  ആഗ്രഹിക്കണോ???
      അതോ
  ആഗ്രഹിക്കരുതോ???

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